“Hey, I hope your week is going awesome so far!”
Weekly, I send out an email message on behalf of the recreational/medicinal puff-puff company I work for. Every time I start it with a greeting like that. “Hey, I hope the weekend was amazing!” / “Hey, I hope everything is excellent with you!” / “Hey, I hope…” whatever. From there I tell the reader all about how our puff-puff is the best puff-puff in the world. And I announce that the featured strain on today’s wholesale menu is… Animal Cookies. Or maybe it’s Strawberry Haze. Or Wedding Cake. Godfather OG. Sunset Sherb.
I have been doing this for the past nine months :)
Not long ago, I was writing stories for children’s cartoons. It was amazing to see this mentioned in the Christmas newsletter last year on my husband’s family’s side. I felt really proud of myself. Because I have real, extremely personal reasons for why I must stunt on my husband’s family. There’s at least one or two doubters and haters in that set, so yeah, I am not afraid to admit that it makes me feel good to see my accomplishments shining all merry and bright in their faces.
This year, however, I don’t know... They might find out that I am a puff-puff dealer. Can I work with this? Is this a California flex? Does it impress anyone that I used to write incredibly sweet stories for children and now all of a sudden I’m finding myself blasting out emails to help folks get dummy bong blasted?
Whatever, whatever, whatever! Regardless of how others perceive me, I have gone through all the messy emotional stages necessary to reach acceptance. It is what it is. And you know what? I am still proud of myself. It’s just a different flavor of proud. It’s a sativa-indica-hybrid proud. And I have given myself ample time and space to think it all over and to consider why I was chosen to walk this path. After hours upon hours of careful and totally productive rumination, the only logical conclusion here… is that… I am cool.
That’s gotta be it, right? I. Am. Cool. Extremely cool. Super cool. I am a super cool bitch. Can’t nobody tell me nothin’. All these months later and they keep keeping me at this place? Ain’t no way that I’m not cool. And when I look around, absorbing my environment, I find myself surrounded by the chillest people.
There’s this one guy at the company and he used to be a security guard. But he demoted himself to a position in the trimming department because it’s way more chill there. And he is still allowed to carry his taser every day wherever he goes. When I asked the company owner about this, he laughed and told me to trust him, he has it under control. The guy can keep the taser because everything in general at the workplace is way more chill that way. It’s a morale thing.
We joke about taking the batteries out of the taser. But we don’t actually do it, we just joke about it. Because the subtext of the joke is that it would be totally ridiculous if we actually took the batteries out of the guy’s taser. The status quo normal for us is that we allow the guy to spend the workday carrying a fully operable taser around just because. That’s chill.
Anyway, lookit. I am not an expert on this business or even the product that I am helping to move. I mean sure, I have smoked a little bit. Back in the 70s, your parents and I smoked together a bunch! We’re cool, man, we’re cool! Peace and love, peace and love! And we all do our best to keep up with how all the laws are changing, right? And the criminal justice system in this country, right? It ain’t right! Right?
We can talk in circles about all of it all day long. But the main takeaway… the real, honest to Gaia, most crucial nugget here… is that I am cool. Nobody gotta worry about me. Because I am just so, so incredibly and convincingly cool. 😎
I hope your day is going awesome so far. Hey, I hope everything’s super dope ;) The featured strain this week is Sour Diesel. The featured strain is Rainbow Runtz. The featured strain is Church OG.
A quick little side hello from me, Lorrainey, the lady working on her writing:
Hiii! Please enjoy my new Substack. I’ve got some stuff stashed in my navel that I have been dying to show you.
And speaking of ~*the stash*~ of it all, well, I have been told that creating any online content of the sticky icky variety could be terrible for me.
I’m doing it anyway. I can be cautious about it. Nothing for sale here. No product changing hands.
Just a few personal impressions and maybe a few stories about a phase in life where my anemic TV writing career sort of hit a pause and I wound up in a desk job at a [redacted] company.
What at first stung like a belly flop, eventually felt more like a swan dive into some decent life lessons, nuggets of wisdom and scores of free legal [redacted] samples.
Anyway, I will keep these short. Brief whiffs. Quick peeks. Mini memos.
Thank you for reading this far! You are truly one of the realest ones I’ve got! <3
disclaimer: I have changed or obscured nearly every name mentioned in my little stories. I even changed the names of the [redacted] strains because I feel that self-conscious and paranoid. (𖦹ᯅ𖦹”)
💛👏😎
Great job!