love, passion, respect, accountability

my current crisis #01

Have you ever fallen in love? Do you remember the moment it happened? Do you remember feeling good or do you remember the dread? Listen, I love love. I mostly agree with The Beatles in that it’s all you need. But love comes with so much grief, do you understand?

I first got the brilliant idea to marry my spouse when we were in a movie theater together watching The King’s Speech. I just remember looking at him as my mind drifted to a future where we were both very old together and still happily in love.

It was a nice, warm feeling at first that quickly turned into a cold, sobering one. As soon as I became aware of the picture-perfect happily ever after that I wanted, I had to admit that I had no idea how to get there.

What if I screwed it up along the way? Was everyone watching us, judging whether or not we would actually make it as a couple? And if I made it all the way to the end with him, what if our happily ever after didn’t actually make me feel happy? When all was said and done, was I gonna be okay?!?!

I’ve been thinking about this beautiful crisis of the mind and of the heart lately because I am realizing that something similar happens when a great new idea comes along for a new creative project or when a big, ambitious personal goal pops into the mind.

You can see the end result clearly. Everything seems so wonderful. You’re in love with this vision of what could be. But then where do you go from there? You see all the hurdles and obstacles and you realize things might not work out the way you want.

If you ask certain people, they will tell you that all you need is love and a true passion for what you aim to accomplish and you will get it done. I agree that love and passion help, but you need a little something more.

I would also like to say that just because we love and/or feel passionate about a particular outcome, that does not mean that we love and feel passionate about every facet of the process that will help us reach that outcome.

Let’s return to the analogy of falling in love with a person. What does it take to go the distance? Yes, love is good. But you also need a bunch of boring pragmatic stuff that reinforces the commitment and holds you to all those promises and declarations and vows you make early on in love. Wherever there is love, there must also be mutual respect and accountability.

I fell in love recently with the idea of a really ambitious project. That’s my current crisis. I’m obsessed with it. And it is a public facing, online project. So I run the risk of completely embarrassing myself if it’s a flop. But I love the idea of it a lot. I want to trust myself, put my head down and work on it until it’s done. But I know I can’t do it alone.

I need an accountability team that I can turn to as I set small, manageable goals and inch my way forward through the process.

If you’re like me and you’d like me to match you up with an accountability partner or partners, please let me know.

Here is the LD Accountability Intro Survey. We have a nice handful of folks who have submitted their info so far. But there’s still time! Let me know by the end of this week, Friday, Oct 3rd, if you’d like someone to help you work on something and we can work with you to define the exact timeframe that works best for you.

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Hi Everyone, just a quick side note from me.

Thank you for being in my little Substack club. The last you heard from me, I was a few months postpartum and I was struggling with my time and energy. I am now just a few more months postpartum and this life transition is still kicking my butt.

It’s all so fascinating because, yes it’s hard, but also I am absolutely having the time of my life. Each day, I have the privilege of witnessing a true miracle in my home. A baby lives here. He is growing. He is on his way to becoming a small boy.

Meanwhile, what is becoming of me?

I’m doing my best not to judge myself too harshly for not meeting certain expectations that pre-parenthood me held for us. Her standards were too high and specific. But if I may say so, I still really like the vision that pre-parenthood me had for present-day me. It was a very romantic fantasy for us all.

The plan was for me to be this unflappable Supermom who balanced work, family and her creative vocations expertly. And even though she was this unflappable Supermom, she didn’t have too big of an ego about it. She wasn’t obsessed with her new identity of being “Mom.” Because she had so much else going for her. Yes, she was “Mom,” but she was also the new President of NBC.

Okay, I’m joking. That’s a call back to my post around New Year’s if you can remember anything from January. I barely can! This year has been nuts.

Anyway, I have to go. I’m going to be fine. We’re all doing great. Thank you for reading and being in this email community. And if you’re feeling it, come check out my monthly stand up comedy show, Demon Blood at The High Low Bar in Atwater Village. It is a really good time!

xo LD