for our messy minds

my current crisis #02

Meditation. Slow breathing. This is my first resort.

It’s no secret that I am a big time anxiety sufferer. The anxious thoughts have been hitting me in a severe way lately and so I’ve been reaching out to friends for support, seeking advice.

A close friend recently reminded me that taking a few minutes a day to meditate has benefits. It’s one of those basic kinds of things like remembering to drink water, sleep, eat good food, flush the toilet.

It should be simple enough to remember. But sometimes it’s almost like my mind is avoiding mediation. Like a child trying to skip bath time, my mind would rather stay stinky.

And it’s pretty funny how we tend to leap to all kinds of other remedies and coping mechanisms before landing on the super simple solution that is taking a short moment out of the day for meditation. I was completely spinning out last week and another close friend recommended that I try shrooms. I still might! But not yet, not yet.

I’ve considered Lexapro. I’ve considered a quick cold plunge in the Pacific Ocean.

But before those fun, off-campus options, I have to tell you that meditation really, actually works for me.

My to-do list is a mile long. Whether or not it has to be is a topic for another day. But yes, I wake up every day in a full panic, with the weight of this messed up word crushing my chest. Each morning, I startle awake, convinced that nothing is going to be okay.

But after a few sips of water and ten minutes of focusing on breathing while quieting the mind a little bit, it becomes easy for me to see how okay I really am. Letting go of my urge to control everything is now a gift that I give myself again and again.

First thing in the morning, I sit. I breathe. I let it all go. I remind myself that I can continue to let it all go multiple times a day. And whenever tomorrow comes, I can let it all go again.

There is so much power and so much strength that comes with sitting in the present and accepting everything just as it is. My to-do list can keep sprawling if that’s what I believe it needs to do. But when I pause and sit still in the present, I get to decide which of my thoughts are useful and which of my thoughts are crap.

Ready for the big reveal? 😱 Most of my thoughts are crap.

Most of my thoughts are out of alignment with the person I truly am. They’re negative. They’re catastrophic. I want to say they don’t define me, but it’s so much bigger than that. These thoughts are anti-me!

They are disruptive and they make it harder for me to live and to focus on personal projects that I want to tackle where I am the only one in charge of whether they get done or not.

If I am going to be the chief executive, leading the way on any project, whether it’s for myself or for someone else, I suppose I should build into my process this very important work of clearing up my mind on a routine basis.

Neglecting this piece of the overall puzzle will lead to so much unnecessary suffering. And I know myself, it will also lead to an incomplete project.

The priority for all of us, of course, is balancing our lives and promoting a nice, strong state of mental health. But wherever we are in our healing, mental health strengthening journeys, I think we can still push the self to accomplish challenging things. As long as it’s safe enough, we can go after one special goal at a time.

Along the way we can let go of the outcome of our efforts. We can pause and notice that sometimes things unfold in a different way from how we were expecting to experience them. And that’s okay. Namaste all day.

I share all of this to say that our minds can be messy and we can still work with them to accomplish things that we care about accomplishing anyway! It’s not easy, but with practice it can be done.

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Hey there, Lorraine here,

I hope you’re doing great today! The fall/winter LD Accountability Teams have been created and anyone who filled out my survey will be receiving all their welcome literature by 8am PST.

I’m having a lot of fun building out this accountability partner match-maker project. It’s still taking shape and there’s a lot of room for improvement, but I’m proud of where it is right now.

Also, let me be clear about something: whether or not you’re matched-up with a team, you can still roll with us!

If you’re looking for a space to co-work or meet people who might have advice for you as you juggle your multi-faceted projects, we’ve got the LD Accountability Discord Server going. You can join us there and we can help you focus and stick to whatever your present goals are.

Oh and here’s a link to the guided meditation I’ve been relying on lately. Huge shout out to the friend who recommended meditation to me! Thank you also to the friend who recommended shrooms! I’m still thinking about it! (Friends - If you ever want full credit for helping me clean up my act, let me know and I’ll thank you by name in the comments.)

Thanks also to everyone who came to the Demon Blood show on 10/1. It was seriously so fun! The room was full, every performer crushed, Brodie Reed’s banjo comedy went way overtime and I swear I wish his set was still going on right now.

Okay, last thing, this is random, but I made a website a few weeks ago. I’m supposed to be encouraging people to look at it. So go look at it: https://www.lorrainematerials.com/

I love you all and I hope you have a great week <3
Lorraine